The Juice – A note to myself
A note to myself. Remember how he made you feel so alone in a crowded room, on a night where all you wanted was a little reassurance that you were the one for him. Recall your vulnerability, and thw way he did nothing to make you feel special. No comments, words are food for the soul, and right now it feels empty. Do not forget all that you can be. If he does not love you at your worst, he does not deserve to love you at your best. He can offer all the presents in the world, but not gifted for the right reason, they just become a wager for a smile. Remember the simple things, as they mean most. Remember the way he turned his back at the bar and made you feel like you don’t belong. Learn by heart his wandering eye and comments made to make you feel low, in comparison to another girl. Consider that he left you to stray, making you feel like a lamb amongst the lions.
Far few introductions. Commit to memory to way you feel just at this very moment, an empty feeling in your gut and a sprinkling of doubt. He could have walked you back to the room, instead you wandered, holding in the tears, breaking just as you reach sanctuary. Remember each tear that you have hid.
Try to recall your last meaningful conversation, when you have felt like an equal or your imput is truly valued. You can recall many more conversations with other people before your last with him. Replay the way he would hold your body, like it would be easy to replace. Think about what you want for life. Is this is? Its not. It doesn’t feel like it is all that you deserve. Do you want to feel this way forever?
Remember that you are allowed to feel secure and loved. It is acceptable to want compliments and praise for you deserve much more than is given. You have the need for spiritual, creative and emotional happiness. This happiness and wellbeing is best when shared with someone who is able to open up and make you feel like one in a million.
You are alone in a hotel room just now, craving emotional support, someone to hold you. This someone is holding someone else, dancing, having a good time and forgetting your angst. Remember that you would not want to ever make someone feel the way you do just now. You need someone, just anyone at this moment…This bottomless pit is expanding, you are falling, remember this cry for help and remember my response. Help yourself, because you are the only constant. Do not be afraid to walk with giants, alone in the world. Consider all you are worth, and all that he has let slip. Your worth, is not negotiable.
But nor is his. Remember the times you have made him feel the way you are feeling inside. Remember the many more times he has made you laugh, made you feel like this is supposed to last forever. Remember that look in his eye when you told him how unhappy you are. Do not forget how light he has made you feel, how perfectly fragile but tougher than a mountain. How protected you feel in his arms. Focus on hurt in your stomach from laughing so hard. Commit to memory the dancing in the living room when no music is playing. Remember all the hurt, then blow it away with the inordinate amount of happiness he has also brought into your life. Remember the blissful feeling when he takes your hand in the darkness. Recall his face, eyes, laugh and kiss. The juice is worth the squeeze.
